Recovery: entry 1

alarm goes off

dawning of a new day, time to yawn and open up

its 6am

wake up, the sun’s already departed for the west

I cross my legs, face up and give thanks to the Almighty

but evil ways still cloud my mind,

even after praying for faith to abound

I’m pulled back to bed,

the blanket is so warm and my body’s shaking – craving the pleasures

I swear I almost went back

but He, The Higher Power, sent His angels and pulled me away-

Let me take the win today

coz I slid astray the last time I covered my head after the alarm

a spread bed is only good for the evening

when you’re tired and ready to retire the day-

let it never tempt you

the bed’s warm and comfy but not for the daylight

wake up!

let the sun kiss your skin

or burn you a little

uncomfortable is good for recovery

It’s hard out here trying to live sober

plead my cause Oh Lord

he left

they were only two children in their house

their mom worked so hard to provide

and the father left for greener leaves, so he said

sidelined, the mother sweated tears-

twas hard raising two on her own

she still recalls the day he left

a rainy day

trees were shedding their leaves off in the gentle wind

Ana had given him his little umbrella

hoping he would miss her and her brother and come home

but its been ten years

and mom is trying to make sure Ana crosses her legs

and for Sam to respect the ladies

the kids were about five or six when he left

then one Saturday afternoon the lost man appears

it was pancake day and mom was making them with her secret recipe

their absent dad, no, father was at the door

his face still the same

after weeks of apologies, lies, excuses and false promises the family is reunited

i still don’t understand forgiveness, but its family and I’m narrating

it was hard trying to reconnect with the teenagers

time passed and the kids once again loved their dad

they shared stories, lessons learnt form the lion-

a bond was created and Her Empress,

now wiser, well, was riding along, just for the kids

then

one morning he, the father not dad, left a note

‘ I’m sorry my love’ it read

he left again

i don’t think he’s ever coming back this time

devastated

they cried, Sam vowed to find him

and give him a piece of his mind

who was going to calm the storm as it came

mom’s tired

I’m sorry for hating him, their father,

Sam found him, hurting

he had brain cancer

and could not bear the faces of his family, pitying

apparently;

the constant deposits that boosted mom

was from him

he was scared of dying on them

but death is inevitable

so he left

Ask for help

Asking for help is not easy. Accepting that we cannot handle it on our own often looks like we are failing. But times are tough and as human beings we need some help every now and then.

We are social beings and if we cease being that we remain deserted, lonely and we all know no man is an island. It is important to try having the backs of the few members of your circle, coz everyone has one. Say ‘hello, how was your day, I’ve noticed your frown what happened?’ Check on someone they might be in need of your help.

Telling a friend you are broke and that you can’t afford it is a challenge. Especially after happening on various occasions or when all their expectations are high on you. Handling our tough is rough let alone another’s; that’s true. However, dying alone is not worth it; dilute your struggle by sharing them. Ask for help, maybe that which is troubling you is nothing to someone else and they could easily and willingly be of help as you cross that bridge. Maybe they went through it already and know how to navigate that part of the sea. And believe it when I say people are joyful when they are helpful.

When you ask for help you’re lowering your ego and are at a better position to learn and correct your mistakes. You will be more grateful for the people around and be glad you knew them. You will be less stressed about life and your won’t fade away.

It is easier to drink a diluted juice, the concentrated one cuts the throat. Someone loves you. Please ask for help when you need one.

I love you.

21

darkness was slowly looming

night approaching

rumbling clouds shushing clearing,

and paving way for the full moon

to shine and dorminate the sky

a perfect night to cast a spell

the night’s breeze was cool and calm

but my heart was hurt-

she left and i can’t accept

she’s mine and no one else’s

so i forced love

my hour-glass is almost out of sand

i gotta cast my spell at midnight before the love god dims the moonlight

chants are whispered

and a cute bunny strangled

cupid’s arrow shot right

time stops

reality bends

she’s back and prettier

we make love until the sun lights

hours soar days fly

I’m tired of the never-ending see-saw in bed

this is not love

demons tricked me, i cast the wrong spell

cupid says i cant unring the bell

the only way out

was

her out,

for the bunny

its my web

i’m the spider

she, my fly

kill or die slow

no love

i need another spell